Partnering Before and After the Vote 
Partnering Before and After the Vote
The essential quotations are at Ultimate Partnering, but here are some more.
19th century dance partnering, as reflected in quotations from period dance manuals:
"In general manners, both ladies and gentlemen should act as though the other person's happiness was of as much importance as their own."
— Prof. Maas, dance master, NY, 1871
"Recollect that the desire of imparting pleasure, especially to the ladies, is one of the essential qualifications of a gentleman. The truly polite man is always mindful of the comfort of those around him."
— Prof. D. L. Carpenter, Philadelphia, 1854
"You cannot be too attentive to your partner."
— "A Man of Fashion", NY, 1844.
"True, genuine politeness has its foundation deeper than in the mere conformation to certain rules, for it is the spontaneous and natural effect of an intelligent mind and kindly heart which overlooks annoyances in consideration for the happiness of others."
— Edward Ferrero, NY, 1859
"Gentlemen who acquire a diversified style easily accommodate themselves to different partners. Even among those who possess a diversified style every one has his individuality. No two persons write alike. A man cannot write his own name twice the same. There is no duplicate in nature. No two persons dance alike. When their movements harmonize, this individuality is not only natural and necessary, but it pleasingly diversifies le tout ensemble."
— Wm. DeGarmo, NY, 1875
As DeGarmo mentioned, the man adapted his steps to his partner's steps. Here is America's most famous dance master at the time saying the same thing:
"Gentlemen ought always to be attentive to their partners, and they should move in unison with their every step and attitude."
— Charles Durang, Philadelphia, 1847
Notice that he didn't say that the lady should move in unison with the man's every step and attitude. He accommodated her.
1920s to 1950s
But then this completely reversed in the 1920s. Soon after American women succeeded in getting the vote, dance manuals began to talk about leading and following in a rather manipulative way, with the man controlling the movements of the "girl" (the terms used in most American dance manuals were now man and girl), "getting" her to do the step, making her do the step, controlling her every movement. Now the woman had to adapt her steps to the man's steps. If she didn't, the resulting damage was seen as her fault:
"Don't, little lady, blame your crushed toe on your partner. Maybe your back steps are too short. Get out of his way!"
(The exclamation mark was his.) — Arthur Murray, 1946
Compare that to the 1865 quote below: "A good dancer would consider himself disgraced if any mishap occurred to a lady under his care."
This was a new attitude in ballroom dance, emphasizing domination by the man and submission by the woman. Dance instruction phrasing now sounded like making a puppet move, as opposed to letting the woman enjoy dancing:
"Pressure with the heel of the right hand on the left of the girl's vertebrae will turn her to the right.
The leader gets his partner to cross her left foot over the right foot by pressing with the heel of the right hand.
The man should remember that there are two basic uses for a lead. The first is to make a change of position, the second is to get the girl to do the step.
When a girl does not react readily to her partner's lead, he should hold her firmer and give a stronger lead."
— Israel Heaton, Brigham Young U., 1954
And the advice for women was, "Submit yourself entirely to your partner" and "She must not have a mind of her own."
If you're a ballroom dancer and all of that sounds normal to you, step back and look at the big picture. What is the essential dynamic here?
He asks her, "Would you like to dance?"
She replies, "Yes, I'd love to!"
Do you think she means:
(1) "Yes, I would like to dance.
or
(2) "I'd like you to control my every move by pushing and pulling me and pressing the heel of your hand into my back for the next three minutes."
If you think she prefers (2), we recommend that you actually ask her which she prefers. You may be surprised.
Our recommendation: If you ask a woman if she'd like to dance, then let her dance — don't make her dance. That's an insult to her, in effect saying, "You can't dance very well. You need me to make you dance." Yes, of course there's a lead/follow dynamic
in social dancing, with the lead suggesting figures as the follow interprets those suggestions. But that's different from his
controlling her every move, and very different from expectations of submission.
Comparing the two eras
"A little watchfulness can almost always avoid collisions, and a good dancer would consider himself disgraced if any mishap occurred to a lady under his care."
— Routledge's Ballroom Companion, London, ca. 1865
Note that the man's concentration is on protecting his partner from harm.
Then almost a century later:
"Ladies, may I ask for a little forbearance if, through his concentration on his steps [note where the man's concentration is now] he should inadvertently run you into the wall or fail to see the chair that got in the way and caused you to sit on the floor?"
— Courtenay Castle, London, 1958
"If the gentleman is so inexperienced as to force the lady backward [note: it was dangerous because women's ballgowns had a short train in 1875, which she could step on if she were to step backwards], she should check it by immediately turning herself to the right or left, at the same time notifying him that it is dangerous."
— Wm. DeGarmo, NY, 1875
Then ninety years later:
"At no time should the girl criticize the man's dancing — unless she prefers dancing without a partner." (The italics were his.)
— Richard Kraus, Columbia University, 1965
40 to 80 years ago
Review all of those early 20th century quotes again. What was the emphasis of Kraus, Heaton and Silvester (and of Ray, Castle, Moore and Murray on the main page)? Women enjoying dancing? Or women obeying men?
Today
Although a few ballroom teachers and dancers are still stuck in the Dark Ages of ballroom dance, fortunately the better dancers and dance teachers today have completely rejected that attitude, and now emphasize mutual respect between dance partners. As mentioned on the main page, the aware leader knows and he cares what is comfortable for his partner, what is pleasurable and fun for her.
Disclaimer: Not all men had a controlling attitude toward their partners in the 1920s to 1950s. Many gentlemen at that time respected their partner's differences, were kind and flexible, and adapted to their various partners on the dance floor. A women I interviewed told me, "I knew plenty of men who treated their dance partners disrespectfully, but my husband was always a perfect gentleman."
But never before had the above "dark ages" attitude been so prevalent, or committed to print in dance manuals.