Musings by Richard Powers
Sketchy Guys
This is a touchy topic because I don't want to speak dismissively of anyone who loves to dance. However it's an important topic to many women who complain about "sketchy guys" at dances, so that makes it worth discussing.
What is a sketchy guy?
OK, that's a sexist term. So let's say that any woman who acts this way is a "sketchy girl." But somehow we see more males than females behaving this way on the dance floor.
A sketchy guy is...
1) Any guy who is physically rough with his partner, who hauls his partner though steps and figures.
As you already know from reading this page, a good lead knows and cares what is comfortable for his partner. He cares what is pleasurable or fun for her, as opposed to just showing off, or using her as an accessory to his ego.
A considerate man dances for his partner's ability and comfort; sketchy guys don't.
A good lead clearly suggests an option, which is different from controlling her. He proposes, not prescribes, a certain way of moving to his partner. If his partner does not go with his proposal (does not 'follow'), he adapts to her motion instead of exerting more power to press her to accept the proposal.
2) A guy who corrects his partner.
Have you ever danced with one of these guys? Often the first thing they do when they begin a dance is correct their partner! "You're doing it wrong.
You have to do it this way." Yikes!
The clear message to most women is that he's doing this to exert absolute control at the beginning of their dance. It's his way of establishing dominance,
saying in effect, "This is NOT a conversation and you don't have a voice when dancing with me, so shut up and do as you're told."
To be fair, this may not be his actual intent. Maybe he somehow got the mistaken impression that he should manipulate his partner like a
puppet, then correct her if she dances differently from the Only One Way he knows. But regardless of his intent, a correcting attitude, plus any physical roughness,
feels disrespectful to her, so men be forwarned that she may not want to dance with you again.
A correcting attitude also demonstrates the extreme limitations of a man's dancing skills, showing that he has only learned one way to dance. 
Women aren't exempt from this consideration: when a woman exhibits a correcting attitude, it's just as bad as when a man does it.
Exceptions: Correcting is okay of it's to let one's partner know if they're hurting you, "driving dangerously" on the dance floor, or if your
partner actually asks you for advice or feedback.
3) A guy who tries to pick up a woman on the dance floor.
It's smart to assume that women come to a dance to dance, not to find a date. If there's an exception, she can announce herself somehow, but the default assumption is that she came to have fun dancing.
a) Don't ask her for a date (unless she initiates it).
b) Don't ask the same woman for several dances unless she lets you know she wants more dances with you.
c) If she says no to a dance, then no means no. Period. Don't bother her.
The next two are gender equal. Both men and women are sometimes guilty of these, but I'll stay with "sketchy guys" for continuity.
4) The guys who will only dance with the cutest women.
And middle-aged men who want to dance with the youngest women.
OK, everyone agrees that's sketchy. But a note to women: Part 3 made the statement that you came to dance, not pick up a date. Is that true? Some women as well as men have the attitude that, "I'll only dance with the cool guys whom I'd want to date." That's just as sketchy as the man's version.
With either gender, that's a high school attitude. (The cruel world where it seems the only attribute that matters is how cute someone is).
Most of us mature out of that mindset, and realize that someone can be fun to dance with no matter what they look like, and regardless of their age.
5) Stinky guys (and women).
It's amazing that some people haven't learned the essential social skill of hygiene. Always shower, brush your teeth and use deodorant before going out dancing, including to dance classes. And if you tend to get really sweaty, you get huge bonus points for bringing a second dry shirt to change into halfway through the dance.
Women, please don't wear perfumes (or colognes for men) to a social dance. Most people don't consider it very sociable, and some have allergies to fragrances.
"Sketchy" isn't a textbook definition, so opinions vary in its usage. Some people consider stinky dancers sketchy, while others say, "No, it's not sketchy, it's just disgusting." OK, but either way it's not a good thing.
Who isn't a sketchy guy?
1) My pet peeve is a few undergrad students who call a grad student "sketchy" simply because he's a few years older. No, being a different age doesn't
make someone sketchy, especially if he's a good dancer and an attentive, respectful partner. See this new page about
why this happens so much.
2) And a man or woman with "emerging social skills" isn't necessarily sketchy. Everyone has to learn somewhere. If you don't know how to respond to
someone's social awkwardness, err on the side of patience and encouragement. They will appreciate your kindness more than you realize.
Bottom line:
In an age of increasing divisiveness, we should try to be more tolerant and accepting of differences of any kind. But roughness, disrespect and predatory behavior is sketchy, and isn't welcome at a social dance.
More thoughts and musings